


JULY (but really December)

by SodiumBicarb



Series: the Titanic and other sinking ships [1]
Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Bottom Kim Seokjin | Jin, Fluff, I made a relationship tag bc I'm the only one crazy enough to ship these two..., Kim Seokjin | Jin-centric, M/M, Smut, Swearing, bts side pairings, eomma!jin, sassy!jin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:32:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SodiumBicarb/pseuds/SodiumBicarb
Summary: It was nearly three am and snowing when Seokjin decided that he was just going to ask for sex with an idol in the middle of the street instead of in a darkened alley like a civilized person.ORRemember how Kris spoiled Tao when they were both in EXO? Yeah. I wanted that for our boy Jin, so here it is. #spoiled!jin





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Explanation** : I was craving Taokris, especially the clip where Tao whines until Kris says that he'll buy the younger a jacket if it fits, and it doesn't fit, and Tao says that Kris wouldn't buy it for him even if it _did_ fit. I also happened to be attempting to write an EXO/BTS fic, and the two thoughts... collided. And I needed to post something happy?
> 
> So here's my first smut EVER. **First chapter is smut; second is fluff.**
> 
> There's a lot of swearing because this follows Seokjin's mental state, and all of the BTS members said that he cusses the most after Yoongi. Also, I used Grammarly on this, and it turns out that I overtype consonants like crazy. O_O

He had a rule: Don't get scared before three am. It applied, most commonly, to watching horror movies, to walking home late after practice, but sometimes, _sometimes_ , the rule applied to things like this too.

They gravitated towards each other like magnetic forces, like one good looking face to another. They were drawn together, Seokjin later joked, because one SM style face called to another (but one was no longer SM, and the other never was).

He stared at him, at a man whose moniker had been he-who-must-not-be-named for years now, and wondered if that unspoken ban on the name applied to him. No one went against one of the Big Three unless they had a good reason, after all.

His excuse was that it was **two-thirty** am, and Seokjin had a rule.

The man smiled indulgently, eyes laughing, as Jin stuttered his request for a blowjob in the dark or fucking in a hotel, _but only if he was interested, really!_

The answering laughter was warm and deep, and it made Jin want to melt like the snow around him.

"Come," and the way the man said it made him shiver, made him not doubt that this was a patented 'insanely bad™' idea. It was not yet three am; Seokjin had time.

The man's hands were large as they wrapped around Seokjin's waist, tucking the younger into his side. It wasn't often that Jin met someone much taller than him, and being able to tuck his head into someone's neck felt foreign and nice. He felt protected.

The man led them to a hotel in the ritzier section of Seoul, and up the stairs, they went.

**Two forty-four.**

They both had experience; that was obvious. The man's mouth was hot as it mapped Jin's skin, his body taut and muscled and hard as it pressed the younger into the mattress. Seokjin sighed into the air, happy and pleased, and tried to release all of the day's stress (week's stress, the whole four months of promotions' stress).

Seokjin's pants were pulled down, followed by the man pulling back.

"So... I didn't want to assume, but..." a blond eyebrow quirked up. Seokjin whined and shivered. If he couldn't see the clock, then it wasn't three am yet.

He spread his legs minutely, and the man snorted.

"Alright," the man said as he threw Jin's legs over his shoulders. People said that Jin had shoulders so wide that they dreamt of throwing their legs over them, but in all honesty, Jin would rather have his legs hooked over someone else's shoulders. And these? Pretty great shoulders.

The man prepped him, testing his rim before deciding to slide two lubed fingers straight into him.

Seokjin keened, high and needy, his back arched off the mattress.

"Baby," the man murmured, "You're so _loose_."

Seokjin didn't bother denying it, only continued to spread his legs more and urged the man faster. So what if he de-stressed in the shower earlier; no one but he and the man were ever going to know, and the man certainly wasn't complaining.

He scissored Jin's hole, and the gasps that escaped his mouth were unintelligible.

"Kr--kr-? Yi--? the man sucked on his neck as Jin stuttered again, him smile nipping in Jin's skin.

"I didn't know that other companies had a ban on my name too," he laughed. Seokjin pouted and nipped the man's shoulder harder than his originally intended, sucking a hickey he hoped would last for _days._ His fingers tugged on blond locks, and he whispered, "I need something to scream, don't I?"

The fingers retreated for more lube, and Jin absolutely cried at the loss. He sulked, and it wasn't fair because asking someone their preferred name was absolutely polite, and there was no reason for him to be punished like this.

His fingers grasped his partner's shirt and pulled him down for a kiss that the man indulged. Deftly, he undid the buttons instead of pulling the shirt apart like he wanted to (it felt expensive, and Jin didn't make bank enough to buy a new one in apology). His consideration must have been appreciated because the man pressed closer, kissing and sucking all the while, and Jin's hands drifted lower.

"You're so impatient, baby." The man shimmied out of his own pants, never losing a point of contact between them.

It was probably some time after three, but Jin couldn't be sure, so it _could_ be two fifty-nine.

He was fucked into oblivion. As soon as the pants were off (and the gloves on), and the ex-SM, pretty boy leader fucking wrecked his ass. And pretty much the rest of him too.

He slid in, waited until Jin adjusted to him, and at the tiniest nod, rammed straight into his prostate. First try. Damn over-achiever. Jin saw stars; he drooled. Getting fucking speared was _exactly_ what the doctor prescribed.

The man held him securely, and he felt useless because he just laid there, taking it happily, so he pressed against the other man, sucked hickeys like a pro, and tightened _just so_ in thanks. Kris gritted his teeth and ploughed into him harder.

It occurred to him that he could become addicted to sex this good.

The man hummed in pleasure atop him.

"Call me Yi Fan," the man kissed his sweaty forehead. Seokjin was too blissed out to pretend that he was a polite child.

"Well, it's a little fucking late, _now_ ," he complained, but in his head he wondered if Kr- Yi Fan, could go another round. Jin's ass was sore, but already _loose_ and _wet_ , so he was good to go whenever, but the dick was a fickle organ and governed by refraction periods.

"...sunbaenim," Jin included as an afterthought as if seniority mattered in this situation. The man snorted.

Yi Fan pushed himself up, and _fuck_ , that was really hot, especially when someone as hot as Yi Fan did it. Jin could watch those arm muscles ripple with exertion for hours if given the chance. The man made his way into the bathroom, presumably for a towel. He better, because Seokjin was a naggy, entitled bottom, and there was nothing sexy about dried come.

He closed his eyes. His body felt fucked out and loose, de-stressed in a way that it hadn't been for while now. He wanted to check his phone, not for the time, but to see if any of the members realized that he was gone yet.

-and maybe he wanted to text Joonmyun, not to brag, but because it felt like the sort of thing one idol wine-mom did to another; gave each other a courtesy heads up.

 

_I may have fucked your ex-husband._

_rather. he fucked me._

 

The towel cleaning him was warm and slightly scented. Seokjin opened his eyes and spotted Yi Fan pouring _hot tea_ onto the linen.

"For a guy from Canada, you're Asian _as fuck._ "

The man shrugged. Jin wondered how nice it must be to have an idol-husband this compliant, but if he remembered correctly, Yi Fan was equally indulgent with his wayward children.

Let no one forget that Joonmyun was the original idol wine-mom and that Yi Fan was the husband who drove him to the bottle.

* * *

They napped.

Jin woke up at a time that precluded the rising of the sun. He was tucked safely into Yi Fan's body, the warm, muscled mass engulfing him. Jin expected to scrunch his nose at the smell of sweat and sex, but the man pulled some Marilyn Monroe shit and smelled faintly of cologne. Yi Fan's fingers traced his puffy rim, but didn't push in. Jin's half-hard cock hardened the rest of the way, and he had no idea how he missed the other's monstrous beast.

He huffed.

"Just do it."

The man murmured into his hair. Breathed in. Laughed.

"You know what they say about assuming."

Jin gets that, so he rewarded the man with a sloppy kiss which surprisingly didn't taste (too badly) of morning breath. One hand stayed glued to Jin's ass as the other kept their heads close. Jin reciprocated, one arm lazily draped over Yi Fan's shoulder while the other gave him a handjob.

The older man grunted against him, and when Seokjin pulled away so that he could seat himself on that dick, the man dragged him back

"It's fine. I just wanted to finger you."

-and _yes_ , Jin _loved_ getting fingered, so he happily returned to their cuddling position, and they both climaxed, one with fingers on his dick and the other with fingers in his ass.

He took another nap.

When he awoke, It was definitely some time after three am because the sun had already breached the horizon, but Jin didn't know where his phone was, so he couldn't be _sure_.

"So, how sensitive are your nipples?"

Um. Hell yes.

Sensitive like he needed band-aids on them, sensitive.

Sensitive enough that Jin decided that if Yi Fan was going to indulge in his nipples, then he was going to fucking marry the guy.

So sensitive that Jin could probably come from nipple play alone. 

* * *

Addendum. Refraction periods were important to bossy bottoms not because a partner's dick should be hard when pounding into ass, but because cumming twice just from your nipples _hurt_ (in the best possible way), and Jin's poor dick spurted admirably, but sadly.

(But he'd still like a round three, however.)

* * *

"Are they worried?"

It was early morning and Jin's phone had been going off for the past two hours. Hour one was ignored because a shower was more important, but that quickly devolved into shower sex (he should have known). Hour two passed because he just wanted to snuggle and de-stress, dammit, not trudge back to the dorm just yet.

Jin's legs were slotted against Yi Fan's, his arms around the man's torso as they cuddled. He felt Yi Fan shift and held back his groan because his dick was still _sore_ as was his ass, and you know what? Nevermind. As long as Yi Fan promised to do all the work and all Jin had to do was lay there, he could go for it.

"You're lazy," the man huffed into Jin's hair. He couldn't see Jin's pout (which was a crying shame), but he was pouting, dammit.

Yi Fan reached over him, his torso squeezing the last few micrometers between them.

"You should reply to your members."

Jin made a noise of frustration.

"You're such a _dad._ "

The deep voice rumbled against his ear.

"Do you want a Daddy?"

Jin ignored his blush and glared at the elder.

"I don't know, _gege._ " Yi Fan's dick twitched against him, and he smirked victoriously.

Jin's lock screen told him that it was nearly nine and that he had fifty missed messages from BTS' group chat.

He groaned.

"We could send them a selca." Yi Fan stretched against him, and Jin manhandled him into a sitting position. He seated himself between Yi Fan's legs, dick pressed against his back and scrolled through the various exclamations of "HYUNG! WHERE ARE YOU?" and "PLEASE REPLY."

"If you get my back dirty again, you're cleaning it up with your mouth," he said as he continued to read. Yi Fan's fingers brushed against his nipples, and he jolted.

"If you'd wait another ten minutes, you could just sit on it."

Fair point. But Jin was impatient.

He scooted himself onto Yi Fan's leg, letting the older take the brunt of his weight, the man's fingers splayed across his abdomen and chest. God. He should have worked out with Kookie, he thought as he glanced at his admittedly flat, but undefined stomach.

"A selca would break Jimin's heart," he told the other.

"Hm?"

Jin leaned forward to pull up the duvet. Yi Fan was a furnace at his back, but his front was cold.

"He's the president of the Namjin fan club."

NamJin was... okay? Sure, the fans said that Rap Monster was the 'father,' since he was also the leader, and as the oldest (and prettiest!), Jin was the 'mother.' But Jin loved Namjoon as a younger brother, and even if he didn't, Joonie was too much as of cinnamon roll to satisfy even Jin's basest (and depraved) urges.

"So you can tell Joonmyun, my idol ex-wife, but not your group members, about me?"

Jin startled.

"How do you know that?"

Yi Fan snorted and held up his phone.

"He's been texting me nonstop."

"I thought that you guys had an agreement with SM that you wouldn't contact each other anymore?"

Another snort.

"Would you ever stop contacting your family just because some stranger told you to?"

Jin smiled. Maybe Yi Fan wasn't such a deadbeat dad.

* * *

Jin decided to head back to the dorm after a curt, "I'm fine. Be back soon," in the chat.

His face wrinkled at his clothes, and Yi Fan must have noticed because he rummaged through his luggage.

"For your walk of shame," he joked.

It was a silk shirt, cool to the touch and slightly fitted. When he put it on, the fabric was nice on his heated skin.

The silk drifted across his too sensitive nipples, and he whined. Yi Fan smirked at him from near the TV, that bastard, and Jin would take off the shirt if one, that didn't leave him naked (which was probably what the bastard wanted), and two, if it didn't feel so _good_. He whimpered in the middle of the room as Yi Fan stalked closer.

The man's breath ghosted over his silk-covered nipples, and the heat and the silk made him keen. Fingers wrapped around his dick and Jin kind of never wanted to leave this room.

"Hm. I'm surprised that you don't just walk around with nipple clamps in your bag."

Jin wasn't sure if he should admit that clothespins were less conspicuous and worked in a pinch (lol, _pinch _; his humor knew no bounds).__

It was **nine fifty-four** , and Jin came wearing another man's shirt, teeth marks around his nipples like flower petals around a bud (wow. He was totally on a roll today. Bud, He kills himself with his puns), and a warm hand on his dick.

It was a good day.

The two of them limped out of the hotel. Yi Fan, because his dick was chafed and sore from overuse, and Jin because his ass was sore and loose and open, and he just wanted to lay about naked for the rest of the day.

Yi Fan bought them an entire case of water and snacks from the convenience store downstairs and offered to drive Jin back to BTS' dorm. Jin chugged two bottles and forgot to answer the man, who took it as a 'yes.'

The rental car was luxurious, and the leather seats felt nice, so, as soon as Yi Fan turned onto the road, Jin unbuttoned his shirt and pants and let the A/C cool his fevered skin.

"I'm not going to risk getting into an accident," the other man told him sternly. Seokjin nodded in agreement.

"I'm not... I just like it?" Being exposed, being warm and content and not dolled up with starched collars and glittery costumes.

Yi Fan reached over at a stop light and put his hand on Jin's neck. He shivered. He liked this the most, being pet and treated like a _good boy_.

The petting continued, Jin nuzzling into the man's hand when it stroked his hair. The fingers massaged his sore shoulders, an absent-minded hand drifted and pressed against a perky nipple.

Eventually, the petting went lower, Yi Fan's fingers brushing over Jin's cock gently, fingers light as he stroked Jin's balls. It didn't feel sexual, merely indulgent, and Jin turned to mush against the buttery leather seats.

"You okay?" Jin heard faintly. They'd been driving for an indeterminate amount of time, and he'd been blissfully zoned out for the entire ride.

"Hmm?" Why wouldn't he be?

Yi Fan stroked his chin and gently tapped his finger to one side so that Jin would look at him. Through the heavily tinted window, he spied familiar golden arches.

"Oh."

His partner patted his head.

"I thought that you might be hungry."

He was, now that he spent energy thinking about it.

"Mmmmhhh," he replied instead.

"You're going to need to cover up when I order," Yi Fan sighed. Jin's shirt was completely unbuttoned and rolled down past his shoulders, and his pants were shoved to his thighs. He looked thoroughly fucked.

He pouted. He just wanted his aftercare _right now._

Yi Fan heaved another affectionate sigh.

"Look, you don't have to get dressed-"

"Good, because I wasn't going to." He would, they both knew, because he couldn't risk BTS like that.

"-but at least get into the back seat." Jin contemplated that option for a second.

"But you can't pet me back there," he whined.

"Don't you want food?" the other pacified.

"I want to be pet, more."

Yi Fan stroked Jin's face in lieu of another sigh.

"You're such a spoiled kitten." Jin purred. "How about I buy you a gift if you cover up right now?"

That perked Jin's interest.

"What _sort_ of gift?"

Yi Fan pinched his thigh, and he yelped.

"What do you want?"

Jin scrunched his nose and made a mental list. The other man was rich; he could afford anything that Jin wanted.

"We'll take two number 1s, please," the man ordered through the intercom. Jin's brows furrowed in confusion before he flushed red. Hastily, he tried to roll the shirt back onto his shoulders, but Yi Fan's hand stopped him. Dragged him closer. Kissed him. Laughed.

Yi Fan's tongue fought him with a vigor that the rest of the man failed to conjure outside of sex.

Jin's entire torso was bared, his pants were halfway off, and he was making out with the idol industry's he-who-must-be-named.

Also, they were at a drive-thru McDonald's.

Yi Fan pet stroked his shoulders and back, and Jin wanted nothing more than to lean forward, give more access to the man, and blow him while they were in line at the drive-thru.

Maybe if this was Antarctica and no one recognized them.

"Baby."

Jin purred again and was half-laying on the driving console.

"Seems like you need something to help take the edge off. Does kitten own a plug?"

The way Jin stilled was answer enough. He'd always _wanted_ one, but fear of recognition at the store stopped him. He knew that he could buy one online, but well, wayward and stolen packages were a great fear of any idol. Additionally, all of their packages were screened at the dorm in case a fan sent anything... um... unsavory.

Yi Fan chuckled, fond and amused, his fingers smoothing Jin's fringe.

"Behave, and you'll get one."

So Jin put the man's leather jacket across his lap and buttoned his shirt nice and neat, and thrummed with anticipation.

* * *

They drove to the nearest sex-toy shop. Yi Fan suggested that Jin stay in the car; no one was looking for Kris Wu in Korea, after all. Jin nodded and climbed into the back seat to get comfortable and to avoid prying eyes. Once he was situated, the man handed him his leather jacket to quell the goosebumps already rising on his unclothed skin. Normally Jin would turn up the heat, but he had a feeling that he'd be sweating later. Wink wink.

"Don't have too much fun without me," the elder joked as he stepped out, baseball cap pulled over his blond hair and a white mask on his face.

Jin sat alone in the idling vehicle and decided that Yi Fan was the kind of man one kept, damn the consequences.

Sorry, Joonmyun.

He'd never been so pleased to take his own advice before. _Don't be a coward before three am,_ indeed. Yi Fan hadn't been the first proposition he'd ever made, not even the first one he made sober or the first idol, but he had been the first one to stay. Seokjin was no stranger to the walk of shame, no stranger to waking on separate sides of a hotel bed, his partner facing away from him and already regretting. He honed his invaluable skill of being able to differentiate between sleep-breathing and I'm-faking-sleep breathing, so when he saw the later, he high-tailed it out of there, clothes thrown on, shoes unlaced, and humiliation hiding his beautiful face.

He'd woken up in Yi Fan's arms, the man's bare skin pressed against his, and it'd been _too long_ since he'd felt that intimate. He wasn't chased away, wasn't treated to poor sleep acting, and had been courteously cleaned up from their previous activities.

God. Was it too much to be treated like a person during a one-night stand? Did it _have_ to be shameful?

Said man returned, the front door letting in the cool air outside. Opening the side doors could potentially expose (ha! expose) Jin to pedestrian eyes. The man crawled towards the back and placed a nondescript paper bag beside him. Jin grinned and handed him the lube he'd hidden in his pocket.

That too, was put on the side.

Jin's eyes never left it as he closed his once open legs.

"Um, no."

Yi Fan eyed him patiently.

"No to sex?"

"No to no lube. I'm already sore as fuck and there's no way in hell I'm letting you fuck me dry," he said firmly.

Yi Fan gave him a boyish grin.

"Good. I was planning on eating you out. Is that still a no?"

Um. _Hell yes._

Jin opened his legs invitingly.

The first lick was like lighting through his spine, and the tenth was fire, melting his body into a puddle of goo. Seokjin could only gasp and grip the man's hair through the treatment, shivering and moaning in equal amounts. Yi Fan ate him out until he nearly passed out, and while he was blissed out and napping on the man's lap, he heard the telltale crinkle of the bag. Yi Fan assured him that he washed the plug in the store's bathroom as he lubed it up, and pressed it between Jin's cheeks. The younger nuzzled into his lap.

Keeping this one, definitely.

They cuddled. Jin was too clingy after sex to accept being abandoned in the back seat, so Yi Fan stayed with him, stroking his hair all the while. With his next shiver, Yi Fan took off his sweatshirt (the one Jin wore last night) and exchanged his leather jacket with it. It smelled of sweat and BTS and expensive cologne. Jin sniffed the collar as he fell asleep.

It the sort of scent that a man could get addicted to. The kind of scent that haunted dreams and memories.

It was **twelve oh four.**  

* * *

They arrived in the building's underground parking garage. Jin snoozed lightly as Yi Fan went to the passenger side to let him out. Jin wasn't wearing any pants, and he wondered what the elder would do. The man crowded the door, ensuring that there was no possible way for anyone to see him. Then he sighed (he did that a lot), tugged the sweatshirt down so that it covered more of his lower half (and accidentally brushed against Jin's cock _and_ the plug. Hm... suspicious) before closing the door gently.

The trunk popped open, and Yi Fan returned with a pair of sweatpants. Idol life taught you to be prepared for anything.

It was a minor struggle to get the pants on, but after Jin lifted his hips, things were much easier. Jin raised his arms with his eyes still closed and bottom lip jutting out, "Gege~"

The older lifted him into his arms and carried him to the elevator. This was definitely the life.

Jin would fight Joonmyun for this man if he had to.

"Can you stand?" Jin didn't bother trying, just made a noise of dissent and snuggled closer. Yi Fan let down his legs, for propriety's sake, but his right arm carried most of Jin's weight.

Jin checked his phone.

**One fifty-two.**

He missed another twenty messages from the group, the last from Namjoon which threatened a manager's intervention if Jin wasn't back before the rest of them were. It was time-stamped for half-an-hour ago, and thank goodness he knew that it took the members half-a-day for them to finish a meal on their days off. They liked to pig out, okay? Him included.

So Jin didn't have any apprehensions when he let Yi Fan into the dorm, instructing his elder to dump him on the couch. Their fast food bags magically appeared on the table (because Yi Fan had invisible muscles he used to haul things around), and they chowed down.

Seokjin was sated, sexually and physically, and had no shame when he leaned over the elder's shoulder and snatched his phone. He inputted his number, but stopped before he hit 'save.'

It was either much earlier or much later, but as his motto went, 'Don't be afraid before 3 am.'

Yi Fan was quiet, dark eyes watching Jin's expression.

'Don't be afraid.'

He clicked save and handed the phone back with baited breath. Yi Fan didn't spare it a glance and instead surged up to peck him on the lips.

"Too bad I couldn't take a picture of you before," the man winked. Jin understood. Idols never kept important information on their phones, which were either hacked into or stolen on a regular basis. Hackers and fans and anti-fans were real threats to their privacy. Yi Fan texted him his Kakao username so that Jin could have that too.

"So, what are you going to use instead?" he asked curiously.

He watched as the other lazily scrolled through images on Naver.

He stopped. Looked up. Looked back down.

On the screen was a picture of Super Mario.

Seokjin rewarded him with a McDonald's greasy kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't figure it out. Is this Explicit or Mature? What's the dividing line??? 
> 
> Also, please leave a comment if you have time! :D


	2. Part II

Yi Fan peered into BTS' fridge and grimaced because it was all chicken. Jin remembered watching that clip right after it aired, replaying it hundreds of times because _it was so weird._

"I've always wanted to know, how the hell can chicken be 'not your style'? What the ever loving fuck?"

Yi Fan shrugged.

"No no no. You are going to answer me because this is fucking outrageous. Is this why you're divorced? This certainly counts as irreconcilable differences," Jin screeched.

He received an eye roll for his troubles.

"I don't see why it's such a big problem, babe."

" _Babe,_ says the alien from outer space!"

"Well... that _is_ EXO's concept..." he trailed off. Jin wanted to smack that smirk off his smug face if he wasn't so busy cooking.

"That is still one of the weirdest things I've ever heard, and I talk with Taehyung every day."

Yifan placed a kiss atop his head and continued mincing onions.

(See? Namjin was nice and all, but seriously, Seokjin needed a partner who could cook.) 

* * *

Joonmyun was a blunt fuck when he asked when Seokjin decided to be an extra on Desperate Housewives, over a glass of wine, no less.

The question almost didn't deserve an answer, but EXO were his sunbaes and Joonmyun was his hyung, and wow, Jin really hated that he was younger, right now.

"Cheating on your already younger husband, for shame," the elder tutted jokingly.

Seokjin mentally rolled his eyes and decided that deflection was in his favor.

"Are you kidding? Namjoonie is a squishy creampuff who's obedient; he's definitely my eldest daughter. You know, Kim Army?" Jin giggled to himself.

"...not your eldest _son?_ "

Jin snorted into his own glass.

"That's Yoongi, for sure. And Hoseokie is my filial daughter-in-law whom I'm very fond of."

"And the maknaes are your triplets?"

"Yes," Seokjin nodded enthusiastically. "My abs were never the same after giving birth to them."

It was Joonmyun's turn to snort into his wine.

"Do you use that excuse with the company when they ask you about your gym routine?" Joonmyun definitely gave him the judgey eyebrows.

Jin shrugged.

"Joonie's stomach is like, 80% icing. They're not going to complain about me first."

"So, recap, you are not Eva Longoria in that show, but the blond lady with the kids and the pool boy," the elder grinned behind a meniscus of wine. 

"Hey! He was _your_ pool boy too! Don't knock him! Shouldn't he be upgraded to like, pool man or something?"

Joonmyun mulled it Seokjin's suggestion over.

"We can upgrade him to a Baywatch lifeguard," Joonmyun stated.  

They nodded in agreement and poured each other another glass of wine.

"So... how is he?" Joonmyun broke the silence first.

Seokjin took a fortifying gulp.

"Hyung. Honestly, you missed out. Like, I would fight you for his dick, or we could trade idol husbands amicably, or whatever."

"Can't trade. Namjoon would become the new maknae, Sehun would cry, and then I'd _still_ be out of a husband. Two, I meant if he was happy, you perv," Joonmyun said teasingly. 

Jin shrugged.

"He's good. Busy. Namjoon would be a great husband, I'll have you know! And he's only two years younger than me, so no one would even call you a cougar."

"Shut your mouth, Jinnie. We're old-" _he was not-_ "Two years might as well be twenty years in the idol industry. You should have joined SM; us old folk need to stick together."

Jin pouted at him. Why did no one count inner age?

"I'm glad I didn't join you old farts!"

"Yah! You little sh-... shi-shining turd."

Jin blinked. Wow. SM really conditioned EXO's leader well; he wondered if there had been an electric chair involved.

"Besides, I don't want a hyung/dongsaeng relationship with him."

Joonmyun eyed him.

"One, you can say his name around me; as far as I know, SM doesn't have my phone bugged, and two, you really like him that much?"

Was there a way to express the ease he felt when he met with Yi Fan? Kim Seokjin could be Kim Seokjin around him, could shed the mantle of hyung and BTS in one fell swoop. Even with his members, his family, he held onto his persona because Kim Seokjin had never been a hyung before BigHit, and Jin was all too used to it.

Yi Fan took that expectation away. Yi Fan quietly listened to his crying and whining and wiped away his tears when they blanketed his cheeks. Seokjin felt small and emotional and young in that embrace, but he'd also never felt so alive either.

Could he find such a relationship with someone else? Probably. Definitely, but for now, he had Yi Fan.

"Yeah," he replied softly.

Joonmyun was quiet, dark eyes roaming Jin's flushed face (from the alcohol, really). Another bottle of wine replaced the empty one in the leader's hand as if the man was some lofty king, except this was EXO's dorm, and if anyone was the reigning monarch, it would be Kyungsoo.

Yixing smiled at him.

Seokjin blinked slowly before coming to his senses and bowing to his elder.

" _I_ should be bowing to you, _da sao._ "

Seokjin raised a brow.

"If you think I don't know what you just called me, you're mistaken, hyung," he smirked.

"And he speaks Mandarin!" Joonmyun wailed to the ceiling. "They're so- they're so- so- fuc-fudging _perfect_ together."

Jin and Yixing glanced at each other; there had definitely been electrotherapy involved.

Yixing walked over to pour his leader another glass.

"Hyung. Let's toast to you," Jin giggled.

"Yes, toast to me~ Jinnie..."

"Yes, hyung?"

"Coming from his ex-wife, Jinnie; that man has deep pockets, you hear? You let him spoil you rotten."

"Yes, hyung," Seokjin responded as Joonmyun chugged the rest of his wine and promptly passed out.

The BTS member stared at the conscious EXO member.

"I feel a lot better about my kids, right now."

Yixing stared back.

"I'm a good child."

Seokjin was sure that all of the EXO members said that.

"Tell gege that we should have a family dinner sometime. With _da sao_." With a wink, Yixing lifted Joonmyun to his bedroom, leaving Jin with a half-full glass of wine and a mostly empty bottle on the table.

 

[ **kitten** ]: _Your children are older than me, you cradle robber. Also, I have met one of your numerous children._

 

It was  **three ten,** and Jin was completely justified in complaining to his boyfriend.

 

[ **koala** ]: _Who did you meet?_

[ **kitten** ]: _Yixing._

[ **koala** ]: _Oh. Good. He's the most well-behaved. They only go downhill from there._

[ **kitten** ]: _I'm going to tell all of EXO you said that._

[ **koala** ]:  _No need._

 

Faintly, Seokjin heard multiple phones buzz from a notification. He glanced down at the phone Yixing left on the table.

 

 **Notification:**  [ **gege** ]: _you're all terrible children, but whoever is jin's favorite by christmas will get an expensive present from me_

 

_Shit._

Seokjin scrambled for his jacket and fucking sprinted out of the dorm. He heard a beat of silence before doors slammed open and then yelling crescendoed. Someone opened the front door as he jammed his finger on the 'door close' button.

The metal doors clicked shut, and he spied Chanyeol looking straight at him.

Fuck. He needed to cut the elevator cables and let gravity do its job. If there was one EXO member determined enough to sprint down twenty-three flights of stairs faster than an elevator, it was their rapper.

Goddamn athletic, long-legged giants.

* * *

Jin escaped, dripping sweat as he stumbled into his dorm. He lost Chanyeol after the third city block by ducking behind a flower pot.

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _I fucking hate you. we're breaking up._

[ **koala** ]:  _guess i'll just bring zitao with me to Blanc &Eclare._

 

Jin cursed as he untied his shoes. He really wanted a new pair of ripped jeans he saw on the site, and that bastard knew it!

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _I can still hate you and blow you at the same time._

 

He changed into his pajamas.

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _also. i'm fully independent and don't need your sugar daddy ways._

 

He finished his nighttime skincare routine and pouted when Yi Fan hadn't responded.

 

' _kitten. go to sleep,'_ flickered across his screen as he was about to drift off, the backlight bleaching his eyes.

 

It was **ten ten,** and Yi Fan was on break from filming.

Jin smiled happily. The man only ever called him 'kitten' when he was _desperate._

* * *

They finished their stage, happy and relieved, but also dripping sweat and stinking. In their waiting room, one slim ankle crossed over the other, was a beautiful woman, her long brown hair flipped over one shoulder. She glanced at them from atop her shades.

Beside him, Jungkook squeaked and shuffled behind Jin, as if those shoulders could hide those muscles. He felt like a mother of an elementary student, debating on how to explain that cooties weren't real.

The other members looked like they needed that talk too.

Her long fingers quickly tapped a message, and the 'click click' jolted them from their trance.

"Ah. 2! 3! Bang Tan! We are BTS! Annyeonghaseyo, Jessica-sunbaenim," after Namjoon's first inhale, the others greeted together reflexively, like a well-oiled machine. Seokjin and Namjoon were the first to bow, and the others quickly followed.

She laughed, light and airy, and motioned with her head towards a box on the counter.

"I made a special delivery, so don't leave him on the couch, okay?" she teased as she left. Her fingers drummed against Seokjin's shoulder.

The maknaes, still hiding behind him, focused on her friendly gesture while the others stared at the box.

 **Eleven twelve** at night and Jin refused to muster the courage to oust his relationship with Voldemort.

"What was _that,_ hyung?" Yoongi questioned. Seokjin didn't trust his lying skills, so he stayed quiet, gently lifting and shaking the box to ascertain its contents.

Manager-hyung didn't ask about the box either, though the glance he gave the eldest suggested that he already knew.

Even a gift from Jessica Jung wasn't immune to the hardcore TSA agents employed by BigHit.

* * *

 Yoongi's open laptop said that it was **two oh nine** , and it felt like the perfect time to open the box.

Inside were three pairs of ripped B&E jeans, the same ones he'd bookmarked on his phone. Seokjin squealed so loudly that he woke Yoongi from a deep REM cycle.

The man growled and threw a pillow at his head, but Seokjin didn't notice.

* * *

"So, hyung, about that box yesterday."

Jin pretended that he suddenly couldn't hear anything other than the satisfying sizzle of pork belly fat in the pan.

"What? My precious dongsaeng is thinking about starting a vegetarian diet?"

The maknaes always thought that Yoongi didn't dare go against him because of their age difference, whereas the reality was that their super badass hyung was frequently out-savaged by their pink princess.

Going against the cook was a mistake Yoongi wouldn't make again after the fiasco from their pre-debut which the rapper dubbed, 'The Tofu Conundrum.'

The threat of a non-management related vegetarian diet was too horrible to suffer through. Again. Yoongi quietly sat down at the table, pulled out his phone, and tried not to hang his head in defeat.

If only he could subsist on just ramen... 

* * *

The 'family dinner' with EXO never happened, not through a lack of trying, but Seokjin thought that it was for the best. Any gathering of more than three members of EXO garnered more tweets than leaves on trees, and Yi Fan couldn't be pried from his work until the re-shoots for his movie were complete.

Seokjin didn't feel like a hidden mistress. He saw the other group at music shows often enough to become friends. His favorite was _still_ Yixing-hyung, much to Yi Fan's pleasure. As much as all of EXO were his children, EXO-M were his babies, and all but one decided to leave the nest with their newly made wings.

"It's okay," Jin murmured into his phone. "I know a lot about wings."

Seokjin didn't need to imagine his boyfriend's unimpressed expression about his dance position joke when the man sent it to him.

He smiled sleepily. The actor's judgmental eyebrows peeked out from a fluffy white hotel robe, as sassy as any rap king.

"My _wangzi,_ " he cooed, "My prince."

"Only the best for BTS' pink princess."

"I don't want to be a pink princess anymore," he sighed into the receiver. It was cute when they debuted, but he wanted to shed that childish concept once and for all. Couldn't he be cute without needed to resort to pink or being a 'princess'?

"You deserve to be treated like a princess even if you aren't one."

He blushed at the sentiment. For someone who looked like a bad boy, Yi Fan was sweet, like rock sugar. He could break your teeth, but at least it'd taste sweet when the blood pooled in your mouth.

"You fucking sap." 

* * *

A package arrived for him at the dorm, the wrapping nothing more than brown butcher's paper.

Inside was a Gucci sweater that made Taehyung swoon in jealousy.

 

[ **koala** ]:  _sorry that it's pink. refund? exchange?_

 

Seokjin rolled his eyes at Tae, who cuddled _his_ property like it was his precious.

 

[ **kitten** ]: _it's fine. looks soft_

[ **koala** ]:  _looks? why haven't you tried it on?_

[ **kitten** ]:  _kids are hogging it_

[ **koala** ]:  _guess i'll have to send more_

[ **kitten** ]:  _don't. tae will murder me to take my place :(_

[ **koala** ]:  _i think it's funny that you think that you can be replaced_

 

Jin swore on every Mario figurine in his room that he would keep this man as long as he'd have him because even if they weren't forever, they were going to be 'as long as possible.' Yi Fan told him what he wanted to hear, what he _needed_ to hear for a while now.

So he snatched the sweater from between Taehyung's fingers and dashed into his room. Music blared from his Bluetooth speaker as he pressed his face into the cashmere and cried. 

* * *

It was EXO who outed his relationship, naturally, being the only party fully aware of the circumstances. It was an accident, of course, but it was time.

BTS were backstage after another music show, greeting the few sunbaes that they still had. EXO was one of them.

Yixing rushed over to him with the biggest hug the man could manage. Jimin, also mid-hug with Jongin, turned a questioning glance towards them, but most of Seokjin's sight was blocked by Yixing's body.

" _Da sao!_ Have you been well? Have you seen gege's new movie in America?"

BTS' hyung thanked god that out of the group, he was the best at Mandarin and that no one could translate without his help. He didn't begrudge the older man; the pet name came naturally now.

"Of course, hyung!" he replied. Yixing pulled out his phone and scrolled through nearly a dozen screenshots of Yi Fan's face from a bootlegged copy of the movie. Jin felt like a bad boyfriend for not having a single picture the man, but he'd make it up to his partner later.

"Da sao?" Namjoon stared at his translator app as if it could compensate for his slightly skewed pronunciation. Seokjin heaved a heavenward sigh; it was do or die time.

He could either admit his relationship or hide it. Yixing waited, his warm hand on the small of Seokjin's back.

He leaned over his dongsaeng's phone, fixed the pinyin, pressed the correct translation, and waited.

"Sister-in-law?"

Jungkook startled from his conversation with Chanyeol.

"Sister-in-law?"

Seokjin waited for the rest of his members' brains to catch up.

"I always wondered, _'sister?'_   Why not brother-in-law?"

Yixing smiled beatifically.

"What if I messed up when talking with gege's family?"

Oh. That was true. He didn't want Yi Fan at odds with his family.

"Good thinking. Also, you're either my very favorite or my least favorite right now," he told the other.

" _Yes!_ " he fist-bumped the air. "Gift for me!"

"He said that you're his least favorite too!" Jongdae whined from near Joonmyun.

Jin tutted.

"None of you were ever in the running, so by default, Yixing wins."

" _What?_ Seokjin-ah! You haven't even given the rest of us a chance!"

"-so you're either dating Luhan or Kris." Taehyung peered up at him curiously, large eyes studying his face. Jin wasn't sure when his dongsaeng crossed the room, and even Yixing seemed a little unsettled by the instant teleportation.

"-but you're probably dating Kris because he's totally your type."

"I don't have a type."

"Luhan doesn't seem like the type to buy Gucci sweaters for you."

"Are you _still_ salty about that?"

"Was that why Jessica-sunbaenim was in our dressing room?"

"Is he really taller than the SM profile says he is?"

"Yes. And yes."

"Do we get to meet him?" Jimin asked. Jin pointed into his face.

"No."

" _Hyung,_ " they chorused.

"None of you are going to ever meet him; you'll scare him off."

Yoongi scoffed.

"If he survived EXO, he can survive us."

" _Hey,_ " Chanyeol chimed from the side. Joonmyun hit him upside on the head.

"None of you have any room to talk. You're demon children from the gates of hell."

* * *

They couldn't meet up like most covert idol couples. There was no parked car dates or garage kisses. They had technology, Skype and Kakao, and that was enough for them.

Yi Fan had no public reason to be in Korea anymore, and China recently prevented Korean idols from performing. The last time they saw each other was in LA, while Seokjin was on tour and while Yi Fan promoted his movie.

They weren't lonely people; they were _busy_ people.

Seokjin had scarcely a breath to contemplate his next thoughts before management ushered them towards the next schedule. Yi Fan too, had spent the last several days filming a movie in the harsh wildness.

He wanted to surprise his lover. The elder always sent him gifts, accessories from B&E's new line, or Armani's new scent, or any number of expensive things. Seokjin _could_ reciprocate, but honestly, he probably made the least out of all of Bangtan, so he couldn't afford such an endeavor.

 _what does he like?_ he texted Joonmyun one night. He rested his head on Taehyung's shoulder as the bus careened through the winding rocks near the ocean.

 

[ **soup-ho** ]:  _sleep. like me._

[ **jin-seng** ]:  _hyung~_

[ **soup-ho** ]:  _he likes cooking. basketball. family._

 

Seokjin sighed. He was afraid of that; it looked like his only option was to invite Yi Fan to BTS' dorm. 

* * *

"Yah. I'm going to need you to room with Jungkook for like, the next three days."

Yoongi's eyes remained glued to his laptop screen.

"No." Jin blew a lock of his hair with a huff.

"Fine, but don't blame me when you need to bleach your eyes."

The rapper's knee stopped jostling to an unknown beat, and his eyes focused on his hyung.

"The fuck?"

"I'm inviting Yi Fan over."

"Who the hell has a three-day booty call?"

"Me, since I want him to stay and get to know you all better," Jin groused.

Yoongi stared at him, expressionless.

"He plays basketball?" Seokjin wheedled.

"I'm not playing against a giant like him."

"Look, I just want to cook with him."

"That's some domestic shit right there. Be lovey-dovey somewhere else."

Jin glared.

"Guess we're going to Airbnb it, but if you all starve for those three days, it's on you."

Yoongi looked like he's about to take back his previous words, but Seokjin already suspected that this would happen, and only needed a thin excuse to keep Yi Fan to himself. He _tried,_  hadn't he?

He booked a cute apartment for three days and started skipping once he was firmly out of Yoongi's range.

* * *

They were decent cooks. It was refreshing to not have to worry about fingers being chopped or having a pot boil over. It was relaxing to have a sous-chef and to be one in return.

They cooked up a feast, simply enjoying the kitchen together. Extra food was boxed up, but unnecessary since both Bangtan and EXO showed up for dinner despite not being invited. Seokjin wasn't sure how they found the address; _he_ certainly didn't tell any of his members, and he'd picked up Yi Fan from the airport, so the man didn't know the address either.

How suspicious. Hm.

GPS chip embedded under his skin aside, he enjoyed the boisterous impromptu party. He strategically laid out plates of appetizers within reach of every seat or table and dug out the house owner's Wii as soon as Yixing texted that EXO was coming over. Jimin had apparently texted them the address.

Despite finding out the location second, EXO was the first to arrive.

Kyungsoo's first reaction was horror.

"Your actual house is going to be nothing but mirrors," he said to the two preening hosts.

"Weh? Jealous~ Our children are going to be gorgeous~" Seokjin sang as he scattered bowls with chilled beers around the apartment.

It was incredible, the singer thought, that two people as narcissistic as them managed to find each other. Hadn't they been too busy looking at their reflections in passing windows to see each other?

But Yi Fan-hyung was happy, and ultimately that was all Kyungsoo cared about.

He lifted another canape to his mouth and munched thoughtfully.

Bangtan crashed into the apartment like a clap of thunder.

"Hyung! Housewarming time!" Bags of booze were scattered on the floor. Seokjin sighed; he knew who had to clean up the impending mess in the morning.

Although they were all acquaintances, being popular boy groups and all, they still shuffled awkwardly around the room until Jimin came up with an icebreaker.

"We should play the thigh game! We can split the teams evenly with dancers and non-dancers!" Jimin of the jibooty cheered. Beside him, Jongin nodded fiercely, hoping to regain his lost pride from the rigged EXO Showtime game.

"Yi Fan-hyung doesn't need a game to open Seokjin-hyung's thighs," Yoongi scoffed from the couch. Silently, Kyungsoo crossed the room and sat down next to him. They high-fived each other.

Savage twins united.

Jimin turned his attention to the Wii instead, unwilling to butt heads against an already salty Yoongi. Jongin agreed and the two proceeded to forget the last few minutes of the night. Nothing good came from going against those two.

"Why is the '93 line so savage?" Seokjin sighed from the kitchen. He leaned his elbows on the nook counter.

"At least you don't get roasted by the maknae! Yoongi's only a couple months younger than you," Joonmyun whined piteously. He already held an open bottle of soju.

Seokjin pinned him with a pout.

"I absolutely get roasted by the maknaes."

"Who's scarier; Yoongi or the terrible trio?"

Seokjin didn't blink.

"Yoongi."

"Now imagine that Jungkook had Yoongi's level of sass."

"And still had his muscles?"

"Yes, and was the youngest."

Seokjin handed another beer to EXO's leader.

"It's because all of their salt is compressed in their tiny bodies," Yi Fan snarked as he stole a macaroon.

Seokjin gave his obviously suicidal boyfriend a goodbye peck on the cheek.

"You're on your own when they come after you, babe," he joked.

Joonmyun shoved his shoulder playfully.

When it was just the two of them, he gave the man another kiss for good luck.

"Don't get murdered by the savage twins~"

"They'll have to reach higher than my ankles, first."

* * *

 Nearing the second hour of the party, Tao FaceTimed them.

"Geges! Feed me too!" the boy cried into the screen.

Yi Fan set the phone down facing a plate of tempura vegetables and walked away with another beer in his hands.

"Gege! Yah! Hyung! Gege!" were the insistent wails coming from a muffled speaker.

Jin poked his head into the frame.

"Ni Hao, Tao-sshi."

"Ah, hyung! You don't have to be formal with me!"

"Alright, Tao-ah," Seokjin smiled genially.

Tao's face scrunched up as he held back more whining; it was an expression that Jin was familiar with.

"Ah...hyung-" the boy began.

"It's _da sao_!" Yixing laughed, throwing an arm around Seokjin.

" _Da sao? When did that happen? How?"_ the younger asked in Mandarin.

_"Months now! And Seokjinnie is totally gege's type!_

_"When was gege a lip man?"_

Yixing tutted.

_"Cooking skills! Look at all the food da sao made!_

_"But a good figure too, right? Because the gege I know is definitely a butt man."_

Yixing grabbed Jin's butt and squeezed.

 _"Yixing approved!"_ the eldest laughed with a thumbs up.

Seokjin sighed.

"Again. I can understand the both of you, Yixing-hyung."

_"He knows Mandarin??!!!"_

_"I know right?! Gege's so lucky!"_

"Da sao! Da sao! Cook for me too!" Tao yelled. Seokjin didn't know why the boy bothered to switch to Korean if half of his words were in Mandarin anyways.

Seokjin teasingly waved a piece of meat in front of the camera.

"Da sao's going bye-bye, now."

As he went to plate up more food, Seokjin heard Tao continue to complain.

"Yixing-ge! I'm hungry!"

"Guess what, Tao-ah? Yi Fan-ge promised to buy me an expensive Christmas gift!"

" _What?_ But I'm the favorite child!"

"Not anymore~" Yixing sang.

"Neither of you inherited my handsome looks, so neither of you are my children," Yi Fan snorted. He snatched the plate in Seokjin's hands and took it to the living room.

Kyungsoo glanced up from his phone.

"Appa. You're back." The vocalist was a cute kid; Yi Fan was okay with taking responsibility for him.

Joonmyun rounded on the ex-EXO member.

"He inherited your sass, you know."

"He inherited your height, so I guess he got the worst from the both of us."

Kyungsoo gave a pleased smiled while Yoongi stared in envy.

"Why couldn't I be born into a family with sass and seasoned food?" he asked the man next to him.

"Why should I salt anything you eat when you're already salty enough?" Jin snorted.

"Yi Fan-hyung! Please teach Seokjin-hyung about flavors!" Jimin whined cutely.

"You and your tiny spicy pepper can sit your ass down," Seokjin replied equally cutely.

Yi Fan nodded approvingly and hid a gummy smile behind his hand. 

Exasperated, Joonmyun exchanged looks with Namjoon.

"Hey, do you want to be not-sassy parents together?"

Taehyung teleported from wherever he was before.

"Sorry, hyung. I called dibs first."

* * *

"Why is the '92 line like this?" Yi Fan sighed into his soju.

In front of him, a tipsy Chanyeol and Seokjin both complained about their respective maknaes bullying them, and why couldn't they be suave too?

"I'll teach you how to rap, Jinnie!" Chanyeol cheered.

Seokjin hugged him.

"And I'll teach you how to be handsome!"

Joonmyun and Yi Fan choked on their drinks.

The rapper pulled away from the hug to look Seokjin in the eyes.

"Yah. You and Yi Fan-hyung were made for each other."

"Don't be jealous, Chanyeolie." Seokjin patted the other's cheek before bounding over to Yi Fan and nuzzling his cheek like a cat. The elder put a lazy arm around his shoulders.

"Making Chanyeol handsome is a lost cause," Yi Fan stage-whispered.

"Fuck you, hyung," he 'stage-whispered' back.

Said man pinned him with a cool stare.

"Um." Chanyeol glanced to either side of the taller man. Joonmyun and Seokjin were too busy giggling to help him.

"Hyung~" he went for the aegyo route. Yi Fan's disgusted look was completely unjustified.

* * *

_Brrring._

" _Yi Fan! I heard that you got married????"_

Yi Fan ended the call with Luhan.

Seriously, what kind of next-level gossip mill was Tao running?

Taehyung and Sehun whispered and pointed at him from their perch by the window.

"Yah. Look at him. Doesn't even pick up a call from his filial son."

"Luhan's older than me?"

"Look at him. Doesn't call Luhan-hyung as Luhan-gege when he's out of earshot. Waaaaahh, how rude."

"Hey Jin. Didn't you say that we were running out of meat?" Yi Fan gritted out as he wrapped an arm around the younger's waist.

"What are you talking about? It's a sausage fest in here." Seokjin joked as he grabbed several bottles of flavored soju from the fridge.

Undeterred, Yi Fan continued.

"I'm going to flay a couple of maknaes," he said, gesturing to the pair.

Seokjin glanced up.

"Oh good, you meant Tae. Jungkook's muscles need to be slow-cooked in order to be tender. That's too much work for a last minute party."

Perched on the bar stools, Jimin and Jongin murmured to each other.

"How can there be so much sass in one couple? Shouldn't they balance each other out?"

Intense, pointed stares directed at Sope.

_#balance_

Seokjin cupped his face in his hands, then mimed the motion with a reluctant Yi Fan.

_#facegoals_

Then, because he could, he pinched Jimin's mochi cheeks.

* * *

Karaoke was surprisingly a disaster.

"I can speak Korean, Japanese, and English," Namjoon sighed into his beer.

"I can speak Korean, Chinese, and some English." Seokjin sank into the couch cushions.

"I speak Korean, Mandarin, Cantonese, and English," Yi Fan twisted off the cap to another bottle of cheap wine.

They watched as the EXO rapper line rapped Tinie Tempah's songs as if they could graduate from barely speaking American English to British English.

"Why are our kids so language-challenged?" They sighed as Vmin attempted to sing a Chinese folk song.

Yi Fan glanced up at Joonmyun, who hovered over the back of the couch.

"I'm blaming you."

Joonmyun shrugged.

Namjin stared at their own kids.

"At least they're cute?" Seokjin said.

Namjoon cast a critical eye over them.

"Just the maknaes."

Seokjin eyed Sope.

Yeah. Just the maknaes.

* * *

The party was asleep and drooling on a borrowed carpet. Seokjin laid awake, swaddled in blankets on the couch, his head pillowed on Namjoon's chest with Yi Fan's fluffy hair tangled in his fingers. He wondered if this could be his life one day, if this was what he had to look forward to in the future.

He'd have to move to China since Yi Fan was the moneymaker ('For now!' he swore to himself). He wondered if he could leave his family and friends, if he could haul ass and be happy in another country.

Why not? If Yi Fan could leave his family so that Luhan and Tao could have an easier exit from EXO, then _yes,_ he could leave for this. He could leave Korea for this, especially because he knew that BigHit would never try to isolate him like SM did.

It should scare him that he was willing to uproot his entire life for a man he'd only known for months, but it wasn't frightening because it was **five thirty-two.** Outside, some birds sang their sleepy song, and as he yawned, comfortable in his family's warm embrace; he wasn't afraid.

* * *

Mistakenly, but also while sober, he told the boys of his little fantasy, of a house and a dog and a man in China.

"I'm gonna beat him up, taking away my hyung," the maknae muttered darkly. Seokjin appreciated the possessiveness but ultimately rolled his eyes.

"Calm the fuck down, Jungkookie. He's 10 centimeters _taller_ , and ten kilograms _heavier,_ than you."

"But _hyung,_ I'm all muscle!" the boy pouted.

"He is too," was his reply with a waggle of his eyebrows. "And you're my adorable baby Kookie, and I do _not_ want to have to put an ice pack on your face while saying 'I told you so.'"

"Hyung," Jungkook stared at him seriously, "If he fights back, I'm calling it child abuse."

"That's right!" Taehyung chimed in from the couch.

"You had your coming-of-age dance more than a year ago."

The maknae definitely inherited Jin's pout.

"But.. he left his previous wife with all of his kids!" Taehyung tried to convince him; the others nodded their heads in agreement.

"I have it on good authority that he pays alimony in beef to their dorms."

The boys' eyes widened, and Seokjin saw the maknae lines' greedy little paws clap in glee.

"I want beef," Tae's eyes shone.

" _Hyung,_ beef would make dancing so much easier~"

Jungkook turned his doe eyes upon the entire room.

"If _they_ want beef, and _I_ want beef, then _we all_ want beef!" the youngest cheered.

"Hyung. We approve of your rich husband."

"You money grubbing hoes," he simpered. Had he expected better? He'd raised them, after all, and well, his own doe eyes talked management into paying for more meals than the company liked to admit.

"Pretty sure you're the gold-digger here, hyung," Hoseok joked with a wink.

Without a beat, he sniped back, "Shut your whore mouth, J-Hoe."

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _so... how do you feel about being a sugar daddy with kids?_

 

[ **koala** ]:  _again?_  

 

"Does this mean that it's the end of Namjin?" Namjoon sighed faux-mournfully from his spot on the floor.

"Joon-ah, my darling, clumsy eldest daughter-" the rest of the members snorted, "-think of this as re-vamping your ships. You can be an aircraft carrier or a canoe or a... a _spaceship._ "

Not subtle eyes zoned in on Taehyung who blushed.

_#taejoon_

The other two rappers lounged on the sofa, twin smirks on their faces.

_#yoonseok #sope_

"Yah, Namjoon! You're too much of a cinnamon roll for our slut!Jin," Yoonseok cheered.

Seokjin narrowed his eyes.

"That's slut!Jin- _hyung,_ to you, misters!"

Taehyung gasped.

"But _hyungs,_ cinnamon rolls are the best! They're sweet and fluffy and cute and the best cuddle buddies and-"

"Wow, Tae! Why would you cuddle pastries? Don't you get sticky from the icing?"

Silence reigned at the maknae's words.

Seokjin stared in shock. Either he had to give Kookie the low-down on sex or never enter a five feet radius of the boy lest he soil his precious soul.

Jimin burst out laughing first.

"I think that's the point, Jungkookie."

"I don't know what you're laughing; Jungkook's naiveté is your problem," Yoongi snarked as if he hadn't upended an entire pot of Jimin's favorite metaphorical tea.

Hoseok mimed sipping from an invisible teacup, pinky in the air.

'Those two were fucking made for each other,' Seokjin thought with a fond sigh. If the night was going to get any saltier, he wanted popcorn, _real_ popcorn.

"Ok, ok. I'm hungry now. Hyung is instigating a movie night. Maknaes fetch us popcorn and soju."

There was a chorus of whining as they kids trudged towards the kitchen.

"You know people usually eat metaphorical popcorn in these situations, hyung," Hoseok smiled. Seokjin shrugged.

"Well, I'm realistically hungry, hence the non-metaphorical popcorn." Seokjin squeezed between Yoonseok. If he couldn't snuggle with his boyfriend, they couldn't snuggle either.

"Joonie. Pick a movie," he demanded with a lazy flick of his arm.

"Um... I'm the leader?" he said hesitantly as if he just remembered his role.

"That's fucking great, Joonie. Now, be a leader and pick a fucking movie." He felt the two halves of Yoonseok scoot further away from him, but he dragged them back to his side.

The maknaes returned: Tae, with every bag of snacks they owned; Jimin, with anything that could be perceived as a chaser, including sriracha, and Jungkook, with a mix of dark and light liquors and wine, because he was a _fetus._

"Joonie?"

"Yes, hyung?"

"Sit in the corner by Tae, will you? You're casting a shadow in my field of vision." The purple-haired man listened obediently. He had such good kids. Taehyung obligingly glomped their leader.

"Um? _That doesn't make sense._ All of the lights are turned off! Namjoon-hyung's shadow was nowhere near Jin-hyung!" Jungkook groused. Seokjin heard a satisfying ' _thwack_ ' as Jimin hit the maknae on the shoulder.

" _Ow,_ hyung! Why did you-"

 

[ **koala** ]:  _does that mean you'll call me daddy?_

 

"Get Jungkook to stop whining, and I'll let you cuddle with Hobi," he whispered to Yoongi. The younger man glared at him like a satanic cult leader before shaving three years off the maknae's life. Eh. He was young; it was okay.

Seokjin scooted off the couch and quietly cheered for Yoonseok.

Honestly, he lucked out. His kids are pretty obedient when he needed them to be.

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _i will absolutely call you daddy,_ he texted while the kids were busy trying not to blush at each other.

 

The response came halfway through the movie.

 

[ **koala** ]:  _does that make me bangtan's grandfather?_

 

He stared at his text. The rest of the members were drunk and passed out by now, and he wasn't intoxicated enough for this.

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _if you're going to keep asking this shit, imma not let you try choking me_

 

He gathered their spare blankets and draped them on each of the covers. For himself, he snuggled under double layers.

 

[ **koala** ]: _babe._

_**baby.** _

_i was joking._

_babe_

 

Jin stole the couch pillow from under Hoseok's head and shoved the dancer onto Yoongi. Nap time.

* * *

 

[ **koala** ]: _**kitten** _

 

* * *

He awoke in a much better mood. The mess in the living room was a pain, but he could bribe the kids to clean it with a greasy breakfast. The smell of eggs and bacon and kimchi pancakes tickled their noses, and they groaned awake like hungry zombies.

Seokjin sent Yi Fan a picture he took before he started cooking.

 

[ **kitten** ]:  _these are my children. they are all incestuously paired off so there is no need for a dowry._

[ **koala** ]:  _great. joonmyun honestly asked me how we could pay for baekhyun's dowry when he dated taeyeon_

[ **kitten** ]:  _lmao. is that why exo came out with a new song? to afford it?_

[ **kitten** ]:  _also, they're all really obedient kids_

[ **koala** ]: _okay?_

 

It was **eight fifty-two.**

Jin chickened out and waited for another response, if one was coming.

The members stumbled to the counter and he fed them.

* * *

 

[ **koala** ]: _your children could be poorly behaved and i'd still marry you._

 

He texted 'i love you,' before closing the app. The message remained, unsent.

He stared at the corner of his screen.

It was **three twenty.** Maybe he'll text it later, when he could do it under the disguise of being drunk. 

* * *

The night was cool as he stared up at the moon. They released the repackaged version of "You Never Walk Alone," and Seokjin was waiting for Yi Fan's response to his solo song.

 

_Maybe I can never fly._

 

_Ding._

**[koala]** : my super power was flight, you know

 

Seokjin let out a laugh.

It was **three** am the next night; Seokjin had a five-year plan, and he didn't regret sending his drafted message.

 

 **[kitten]** : i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun! I (re-)watched EXO Showtime to write better characterizations and ended up adding an extra 2,000 words to this. Also, everything about the party was written last, which is why there's some disconnect with the second-to-last scene, but I loved the cinnamon roll line so much that I decided to keep it in. 
> 
> There is another EXO/BTS fic in the works. It'll probably be a decently long one shot. :D 
> 
> Have a good day, everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you didn't notice, those times are arbitrary. Jin says that he has a rule, but he doesn't follow it. What it's used for is that extra bit of courage he needs when he wants to really pursue something. It's his excuse. 
> 
> I had a crazy time trying to tag this? Help? Also, leave a comment, please? 
> 
> I actually tried to switch Kris out with a BTS member, but I couldn't find someone to fit this dynamic because Seokjin getting to be whiny and a dongsaeng is my _jam_. But there's a smutty Jinkook in the works. ;) All smut, currently; I'm trying to add a plot to it. Lol. 
> 
> (JULY is the title of one of Yi Fan's songs. :) )


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